Adoption is a legal act whereby a child is permanently placed with parents other than the child's biological parents. What we may not always consider is that this forms a new child-grandparent bond as well. Grandparents have always had a role in the raising of children, and the fact that this new grandchild is not of their biological lineage does not change that fact. As a grandfather you may have mixed feelings about this new grandchild, however, there are many reasons to rejoice, just as you would after a traditional birth in the family.
Reason # 1 Your Children Just Became Parents
Your son/daughter and their partner had strong reasons to pursue an adoption. Not only is there a myriad of "red tape" involved in an adoption, but the commitment required is possibly even greater than in the case of a biological child. This is a time of great joy for your children, and you need to be there rejoicing with them. As the grandfather of a new addition to the family, you need to share the news with those you know, in the same way you would if your daughter had given birth. Hand out the chocolate cigars, take lots of photos, smile more. Let those around you see that you are proud of your kids taking on this vital and important role. They may not have given birth, but you can still rejoice in the fact that your children just became parents.
Reason # 2 You are Needed as a Supporter
Your kids may now be adults, but they still need you. A grandfather is also still a father and can continue to provide support in a variety of ways. The addition of a new child to a family always brings some stress, and the potential of stress with an adoption can be greater. By being there for your children, and helping them, you can help lower the stress level. Rejoice in the fact that you are needed for support.
Reason # 3 You Have the Potential to Influence a New Life
As a grandfather you will likely have many opportunities to spend quality time with this new grandchild. As they grow you can be there for them in a role that can be less confrontational than sometimes happens with parents. You can share the past through stories, which are not only a way for them to learn more about their parents (!), but are also an important step towards literacy. You may find that your grandchild will sometimes open up to you in a way that they will not with their parents. By being a non-judgemental listener, a grandfather can be a positive influence in a childs life. If you are there for them when they are young, then when they grow and possibly struggle with the fact that they were adopted, your grandchild will still look to you for a listening ear. This child may not be your blood, but you can still rejoice in the fact that you have the potential to influence a new life.
Three reasons to rejoice over an adoption. Three reasons to get you started. As one grandfather to another, I urge you to come up with more reasons to rejoice. This new child in the family may be adopted, but they are still your grandchild, and in that you can rejoice.
Richard Killey is a father of 3 and a grandfather of 2 who writes about children from a grandfathers point of view. His articles can be read at http://www.grandparichardskids.com.
